The Laws of the Mirror about getting upset

Transformation school

#1 - How can you get rid of your buttons

... that other people keep pressing?

The Laws of the Mirror about getting upset

Do you ever wonder why you and the people in your relationships get upset?

Discover with me the 'Laws of the Mirror' about getting upset and

start improving the quality of your relationships right away.

How can I see myself in others?

 

1. What bothers me or I criticize in others’ behaviors is what I don’t like, reject or deny about myself. The other person only reminds me of and confronts me with those parts of myself. It is the confrontation that causes negative feelings or upset, and not what the other person does or says.

 

2. If what another person criticizes about me impacts me emotionally in a way that it insults me, upsets me, etc., it means that deep down I know or I believe that what the other person says about me is true. The other person confronts me with the part of myself that I dislike, reject, or deny. It is the confrontation that upsets me and not what the other person says.

Here is a personal example. Being inconsiderate has always been one of my biggest triggers, one of the most irritating things I find in other people. In the past if anyone called me inconsiderate, I would feel personally outraged. I would feel emotional about it because I didn't see that I could also behave this - by me so harshly judged - way. When I looked, I saw that one of the inconsiderate things I did was when I got angry about something, my drama had a heavy negative impact on the people around me, and I didn't care, because it was more important to me that I expressed how I felt. This is a totally inconsiderate behaviour. If somebody called me malicious for example, I would probably wonder what I must have done for that person to think that about me, but I wouldn't take it personally and wouldn't feel emotionally charged about it. It is because I don't behave maliciously, and there is nothing there for me to confront about it. Catching and understanding your reactions is your access to start removing your buttons. Consider that you might keep others in fear of telling you what they don't like about you, just so you can avoid the confrontation with yourself. When you are at peace with yourself, others feel free to be around you.

Understanding this will maintain your relationships. The buttons are yours, you created them, the others only keep pressing them, and nobody could press them if they didn't exist. Think about the people in your life who trigger you, or who you criticize. Not those behaviors that you might condemn without a personal emotional reaction, but the ones that feel personal to you, and trigger you emotionally. The feelings to which you tend to react rather than respond. Without understanding the Laws of the Mirror, you would think that it was the other person who caused you feel the way you did, or 'made you' react the way you did. When you make others wrong or blame them for how you feel there is an immediate impact on any relationship and you are responsible for it too.

 

Blaming others costs you a lot: it robs your relationships from love, it means other people decide for you how you feel, giving your power away, and putting you in the position of a victim. When you feel powerless and small like a victim, as a result, law of attraction will provide you with more opportunities to feel powerless and small. These are impacts on you, and it doesn't stop there. The people around you are also impacted. Can you recall what it is like to be around a person who is dominating a whole group of people by being upset or angry about something? Or a person who you might feel you have to alter yourself around or you might be afraid to be completely honest with to avoid upsetting them? So, why do we all do it if there is such a huge cost? Because what you get out of it is even bigger than the costs and it is worth it for you. Blaming others for how you feel gets you off the hook and passes the responsibility onto the other person for your happiness.

 

Taking responsibility does not mean that you have to blame yourself. It means acknowledging that you have everything to do with how you feel. As much as it can be hard to take this on, it gives your power back. The more you are at peace with those parts of your personality that you don't like, the more 'untouchable' (untriggerable) you become. By taking responsibility you become a bigger person. It only takes willingness and nothing else. Once you truly understand the Laws of the Mirror and recognise in a situation that you are being confronted with a part of yourself that you don't like, the rest is a choice each time. Even if you react, you can catch your reaction, and acknowledge that your reaction was not grounded and it is not the other person's fault that you feel the way you do. You can then let them off the hook and inside of a respond rather than a reaction you can set your boundaries if you feel that it is necessary, or just simply apologise. The more you practice, the better you get at it. Use every opportunity that your relationships offer to discover more about yourself and grow, and your relationships will grow with you.

EXERCISE 1

Chose a few people whom with you would like to improve your relationships. Write a list of all those attributes that you criticize, dislike, or would like to change about those people. Consider that you also have those attributes about yourself and you don't like them, or you are in denial about them. Keep looking until you find past situations when you have been behaving that way to anybody in your life. Continue looking in your present and catch yourself when you do the same or similar things as what you would like to change about the other person. Be grateful to that person for showing you those parts of your personality that you are yet to engage with in order to grow and develop.

EXERCISE 2

Chose a few people in your life and ask what they don't like about your personality. As they tell you, observe your feelings as you listen. Try to only listen and observe. Notice your reactions, whether you express them or not. Write a list of those things that when you heard you felt confrontation. When you felt the 'hit' in the chest or stomach, your throat tight, or any other kind of physical reaction in your body. Consider that these are those personality attributes that you would like to change about yourself. It will be interesting to compare this list with the first one.

 

 

Practice these exrcises during the following 3 weeks (at least). Practice to respond rather than react to others. Observe the difference that practicing these exercises, and chosing to respond rather than react makes to your relationships (including your relationship with yourself).

How did it go?

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